Project VI
Inspiration
Over a year ago, I first read a series called Kare Kano (His and Her Circumstances). One of the characters, Soichiro Arima, has had an abusive past he wants to forget about. It started after he met his abusive mother again, a decade after his adoptive parents (his aunt and uncle) took him in when his mother seriously wounded him, kicking him out of the house in the dead of winter as he crashed down the porch steps, hitting his head and passing out. He woke up and couldn't remember much of anything, but when he met his abusive mom again, he started to remember, and ran away from the past he can't erase. He wanted to forget again.
He hid all of this from his friends, and before he knew it, he was up against a wall as they started to figure out he was lying. By the end of it, he realized he was running away.
And this is where these two pages below come in, which were what sparked my own realization of the matter as well as gave me that same idea for this project:
He hid all of this from his friends, and before he knew it, he was up against a wall as they started to figure out he was lying. By the end of it, he realized he was running away.
And this is where these two pages below come in, which were what sparked my own realization of the matter as well as gave me that same idea for this project:
I thought it was a good idea to visualize it that way, too. I didn't see a better way to present the idea to stop running away from the past. I was worried the entire time the project was too close to the manga pages, but decided to take the risk and dive right in.
This is one of the four series I hold close. The others are Fairy Tail, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Fruits Basket, each for a different reason. With Kare Kano, it is precious to me because it showed me what I desired in my personal life, even though I did not realize it at first.
So, in this project, I intend to fully use the meaning of those pages in the manga, expressing the idea of no longer running away.
My painting will also be in the same style as the manga, since it's not only my natural style, but it's also what seems best to use with my abstract background.
This is one of the four series I hold close. The others are Fairy Tail, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Fruits Basket, each for a different reason. With Kare Kano, it is precious to me because it showed me what I desired in my personal life, even though I did not realize it at first.
So, in this project, I intend to fully use the meaning of those pages in the manga, expressing the idea of no longer running away.
My painting will also be in the same style as the manga, since it's not only my natural style, but it's also what seems best to use with my abstract background.
Research
I decided to research the author of Kare Kano, Masami Tsuda, to see where her ideas may have come from. Maybe her series is based on her experiences or the experiences of those she knows and/or loves.
Here are some of the results of such research.
I was surprised to see that Kare Kano is built on top of Gainax's Neon Genesis Evangelion, a series I was named for (named after the character Rei Ayanami). I wouldn't have thought the two were connected, so this was fascinating for me. Both series are rather old. While Neon Genesis Evangeleon is older than I am (obviously, since I was named after a character in it), Kare Kano is older than Evengelion, being first released in 1996. Both were released in the late 90's, with Evangelion releasing in 1997.
Being so close in age, I wouldn't expect that one would be built on another, and for Kare Kano to be built on Evengelion, since Kare Kano was first released sooner.
I was surprised to see that Kare Kano is built on top of Gainax's Neon Genesis Evangelion, a series I was named for (named after the character Rei Ayanami). I wouldn't have thought the two were connected, so this was fascinating for me. Both series are rather old. While Neon Genesis Evangeleon is older than I am (obviously, since I was named after a character in it), Kare Kano is older than Evengelion, being first released in 1996. Both were released in the late 90's, with Evangelion releasing in 1997.
Being so close in age, I wouldn't expect that one would be built on another, and for Kare Kano to be built on Evengelion, since Kare Kano was first released sooner.
This was also based on the Impressionism period of art. I always liked the often bright and vivid colors artists used, and the style in which the artists used them in. It was abstract, yet almost thoughtful, as if this is an image from the obscure and almost chaotic mind, like the world is nothing but a lie blurred together in a swirl of fear and wonder.
Every time I have seen works in this movement so far, I have been filled with a sense of wonder. I would get lost in my thoughts. It's almost as if these artists are inspiring their audiences to do exactly that, too. Since my piece is inside the mind of the character depicted, I thought to use this movement. Maybe I can draw out the same feelings.
Planning (physical sketchbook)
Experimentation (physical sketchbook)
Process
From the beginning, it was....well, it was a process. I thought it would be one of the types of projects that would look best if the final product looked the same as the final planning sketch. With all the different ideas I had for this project, I ended up asking for advice on the best one to use, and started working.
This project was actually a plan B in case I needed more time on New Life, the last part of the overarching project. As a result, I'd been working on this over the course of the semester, and I am glad I did. I had more time to make corrections on the project.
I wanted to see what it would be like to paint on an unprimed canvas.
This project was actually a plan B in case I needed more time on New Life, the last part of the overarching project. As a result, I'd been working on this over the course of the semester, and I am glad I did. I had more time to make corrections on the project.
I wanted to see what it would be like to paint on an unprimed canvas.
It was a bit difficult at first. With the cloth having a rough texture, not concealed by a primer, I had trouble with making such exact edges. I had to keep going back and redoing so many lines, and also had the problem of the skin colors overlapping and basically making outlines non-existent, as if the figures are just blobs of skin tone. I had an idea at that point, something I've seen a lot in anime. I could outline all the limbs in a line of black, so the details of the figure would show without the figure looking too unnatural. I used a similar strategy for the text as well.
I could have used no text, but it wouldn't have gotten the message across so well. But sloppy text would be unnatural as well. It would take away the seriousness of the piece. But I was also having problems with clean lines against the unprimed canvas. I remembered back to junior year, when I had similar problems in my self-portrait, Control Yourself. The difference, however, is that that piece was primed. However, with my tremors, I have constantly run into this problem, and all I have been able to do is just keep painting over those mistakes. But with such a small piece, how can I do that without messing up the piece entirely?
I had an idea to maybe make that part of the piece. I have never been able to erase the problem, only make something close to straight and clean lines. If I let some of the outlines blur, it could also add to the abstractness of the piece.
I could have used no text, but it wouldn't have gotten the message across so well. But sloppy text would be unnatural as well. It would take away the seriousness of the piece. But I was also having problems with clean lines against the unprimed canvas. I remembered back to junior year, when I had similar problems in my self-portrait, Control Yourself. The difference, however, is that that piece was primed. However, with my tremors, I have constantly run into this problem, and all I have been able to do is just keep painting over those mistakes. But with such a small piece, how can I do that without messing up the piece entirely?
I had an idea to maybe make that part of the piece. I have never been able to erase the problem, only make something close to straight and clean lines. If I let some of the outlines blur, it could also add to the abstractness of the piece.
I am not sure that throughout the process, I ended up drawing out the same emotions I felt from the movement I incorporated. I think my lines may have just been too thick to draw out that sense of wonder.
But I do believe I am close to bringing out the same emotions as Tsuda did in those pages of Kare Kano when Soichiro Arima stops running away from the past he can't erase. Kare Kano is one of the four anime series I hold close and dear. I relate most to Soichiro Arima and his goals, his reasons for trying to be perfect. Tsuda's work is very realistic and draws emotions from her audience in different ways. Part of the reason Kare Kano is such a good series is because it's a realistic romance series. It's not just kiss-kiss-fall-in-love like most shoujo series. Kare Kano goes in-depth for actual relationships and building them, how fearful each end can be, how nervous they are, but also how they surrender much of themselves to one another over time. It focuses on the effects abuse had on Arima, and how he has a hard time having a relationship with Yukino Miyazawa, because he's afraid to hurt her. After years of being with her, having a relationship, he eventually faces his past, knowing Miyazawa and his friends accept him as he is. He doesn't have to hide his past or run away from it. That is a strong concept in Tsuda's work that I wanted to make here as well.
Of course, I can't cover all of that, but I did want to cover the important aspect of how Arima's relationship with Miyazawa eventually ended with him facing his past, no longer running away. It's a strong concept that I also relate to. I do believe I made it very close to the same emotions Tsuda is able to bring out. She has an advantage, though. She has all the context from before that moment. I am trying to create solely that moment.
In this piece, I was trying to use specific colors and lines to draw the audience into a spot of pure nothingness, a spot of nothing but their thoughts in relation to the girl in the piece. As I tried and tried to get what was in my head, I developed a skill or two. I have never swirled so many different colors together like this intentionally, so I was able to practice that skill. I was also used to drawing these kinds of concepts in my sketchbook, in black and white. So using colors on a canvas was new to me, and I developed some skills for turning my ideas into color instead of just my practiced black and white.
But I do believe I am close to bringing out the same emotions as Tsuda did in those pages of Kare Kano when Soichiro Arima stops running away from the past he can't erase. Kare Kano is one of the four anime series I hold close and dear. I relate most to Soichiro Arima and his goals, his reasons for trying to be perfect. Tsuda's work is very realistic and draws emotions from her audience in different ways. Part of the reason Kare Kano is such a good series is because it's a realistic romance series. It's not just kiss-kiss-fall-in-love like most shoujo series. Kare Kano goes in-depth for actual relationships and building them, how fearful each end can be, how nervous they are, but also how they surrender much of themselves to one another over time. It focuses on the effects abuse had on Arima, and how he has a hard time having a relationship with Yukino Miyazawa, because he's afraid to hurt her. After years of being with her, having a relationship, he eventually faces his past, knowing Miyazawa and his friends accept him as he is. He doesn't have to hide his past or run away from it. That is a strong concept in Tsuda's work that I wanted to make here as well.
Of course, I can't cover all of that, but I did want to cover the important aspect of how Arima's relationship with Miyazawa eventually ended with him facing his past, no longer running away. It's a strong concept that I also relate to. I do believe I made it very close to the same emotions Tsuda is able to bring out. She has an advantage, though. She has all the context from before that moment. I am trying to create solely that moment.
In this piece, I was trying to use specific colors and lines to draw the audience into a spot of pure nothingness, a spot of nothing but their thoughts in relation to the girl in the piece. As I tried and tried to get what was in my head, I developed a skill or two. I have never swirled so many different colors together like this intentionally, so I was able to practice that skill. I was also used to drawing these kinds of concepts in my sketchbook, in black and white. So using colors on a canvas was new to me, and I developed some skills for turning my ideas into color instead of just my practiced black and white.